1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
