I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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