also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
