4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
