we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Im part way to drunk.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
