Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I am one with the molecules
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
