I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize