There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
