Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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