hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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