you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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