After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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