Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
be right there i have to get my cape
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
