They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize