I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
