How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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