Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
