remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
