U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
is wine microwaveable?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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