what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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