I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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