the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize