Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
