bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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