I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
