the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
