How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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