threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
