WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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