I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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