I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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