I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
