There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
