i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
