Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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