I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
