Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
