dude i'm inner monologue high
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
