did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
