i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
