K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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