Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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