Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
