why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
