jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
it's great music for shaving your balls
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
