Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
