Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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