lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My life is pants optional.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
