maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
