Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
