I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
