Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
