Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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