I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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