how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
