Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize