Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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