peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
