I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
