I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
