Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Randomize
