I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
