u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
