All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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