i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
