We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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