Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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