If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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