I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
